Because the “honeymoon feeling” fades.
The reality of most marriages and relationship is that things can get hard. When patterns around conflict get entrenched, it can feel like breaking those patterns is nearly impossible.
Couples therapy isn’t just about complaining about your partner (although it can be sometimes). Often times, couples don’t even see the unhealthy patterns that have become engrained in their relationship. Clearly they see the arguments, the frustration, the sadness, but as to what to do about it or how it got there? Clueless.
This is where therapy can be really beneficial. I don’t claim to be some relationship guru, but I do claim to be another set of eyes. It’s natural for humans to be blind to what they have become accustomed to, and sometimes the most beneficial thing can be someone else’s perspective (specifically someone who has a bit more training than your mother-in-law).
One of the things I can promise you’ll not hear from me in session is, “in my relationship I…blah, blah, blah.” I would rather punch myself in the face. Your relationship is unique with its own patterns, intricacies, and conflicts. It should be treated as such. I don’t pretend that my relationship is the gold standard, or that simply because I do it in my relationship, it means that you have to do the same thing.
You’re not alone in wanting more from your relationship.
The reality is that many people struggle in their relationship. The types of issues that people have are numerous.
Sometimes people feel as if their conversations are more dry than the 2026 Colorado snowpack.
Perhaps every conversation, no matter what it is, somehow finds the ability to turn into an argument.
Sex? Ha! That hasn’t happened in months (or years).
You feel as if the respect your partner once had for you has completely vanished.
You may feel alone, but you aren’t. The reason you feel alone is that relationship issues are viewed as so taboo that they are never talked about openly or honestly. The truth is that every single relationship faces difficulties, but this isn’t talked about or acknowledged. Since relationship issues are treated as things to be swept under the rug, it only amplifies peoples’ feelings of being alone. Like an infected wound, if those difficulties are ignored they start the grow and worsen.
The best thing you can do when feeling these issues is to seek help for them, but the taboo nature of relationship problems makes it so that many people choose not to seek help for them. Some of the beliefs are…
“We should be able to handle this ourselves.”
“We’re past the point of help.”
“I’m just going to be blamed for all the problems.”
“If we go to therapy it means we have an unhealthy relationship.”
It’s ironic that something which exists in every relationship can be treated as so taboo. Going to therapy does not doom relationships, but staying out of it certainly can. Much like not visiting the doctor even after you’ve noticed an infection could worsen the infection, avoiding working out the conflict in your relationship often ends up in that conflict worsening.
Your relationship can change
This may feel like a far off possibility or even a complete dream. I don’t promise clients this will be an instantaneous or painless process. Many times, by the times couples are showing up in therapy their conflict has become so entrenched that it will take some time to see lasting change.
